Finding Gratefulness.

Gratefulness. It’s so hard to write about. So hard to see… even fathom when things seem to be going to awry in your life. Gratefulness is  a challenge to swallow even, especially when things seem to be in the worst place.

 

But you know what? That’s praise at it’s best.

I have considered all the times  I was so down and out and depressed while during my Red Sea Situation and the only thing that made me breathe again was  remembering the wonderful things God did for my soul and brought me out  of the depression. I write this because it’s a praiseworthy statement, not because  I have a point to prove, but long ago, I was really severely depressed. I was in the worst and darkest places of my life. I had peace, but didn’t know it, and I asked God to show me how blessed I was, because I didn’t see it and a few seconds later, it felt like He moved his hand from me, and I experienced  my first EVER panic attack. I began hyperventilating uncontrollably. I really didn’t know I was in such an  anxious state until this incident occurred. In fact, when it did, I  began to be very afraid because I was alone and by myself.  But as a soon as it came, it was only seconds later it stopped and the peace began to flow into my heart again.

I thought to myself… why did that just happen?

I truly wondered if God was trying to speak to my heart. I believe he was. He believe God was speaking to my heart showing me even though I was in a lonely, desperate and  dark place, His hand was still upon my life.

Maybe you don’t have emotions this severe, but my hope is you won’t have to, in order to experience gratefulness. There is something to  find when you dig deep down inside and look for –  in terms of being grateful.

That day, after my panic attack, I  realized I had so many things to be thankful for and I counted each one of them:

- my home

- my  life

- breath to breathe freely and easily

- peace, in the midst of a storm

- loved ones

- a bed to sleep in

- children surrounding me I loved

…and the list goes on….

I have decided I won’t stop writing about it, because as 2012 comes in and departs, One of my greatest objectives has been to  be intentional about being GRATEFUL. Here are  a few highlights I have posted on my Facebook page:

Gratefulness Highlights : February 1, 2012
I am grateful for Tim, my husband.
I am grateful for sisters who blog like this! Marriages are important and must be nurtured http://herfightoffaith.com/day-156-how-to-be-ready-for-your-man/

I love how Tim goes to great lengths to take care of me and make sure I am well.
I love how he likes to have fun.
I love that he likes to sing.

I love that he asks to rub my feet - ( and you believe I say no, sometimes! ) 

I like Tims smile. I love how his face lights up when he laughs.
I love his sense of hope. It’s his greatest asset.
I love his humor.

 

Three things I am grateful for: February 17, 2012
1. DIRECTION. God so gives it when I am lost. I grateful to have a hearing ear. Too many are lost in this world and God helps me find rest in stopping to HEAR and LISTEN to Him and make my rest a priority.
2. I am grateful I have a VOICE. And I do’t have to wait to use it. (What I mean is, when I am troubled, I can find voice, and use it. Either with God or man. And I can find solution and remedy in God , whether man is available or ready or not. I can find peace with God in my soul. And my, is that important. If I can’t talk it over with man, God at least is willing to hear me. Amen.
3. Grateful the diary I WRITE IN ON GRATEFULNESS I left on the plane and traveled to Austin last Saturday was found  and came back to me in the mail today. Hmm.. I am beginning to wonder if this gratefulness thing is BIGGER than me. The Powers that be , allowed it to return to me. One day at a time, people. Take one day at a time. That’s all we can do, when we get overwhelmed. Just take one day and be grateful. Count your blessings.~ J.O.

 

MY Latest Gratefulness Ponderings: February 26, 2012

1.Grateful I can bravely feel my feelings & I often feel elated.
2.Grateful my parents are alive & well.
3. Grateful I can find something to be grateful about when things aren’t ‘pie in the sky’ pretty. ;0)
4.Grateful I am an intercessor.

Grateful highlights – March 11, 2012 :
1.Grateful God was true to His word! He said to write the book and He’d send what I needed.
2. Grateful for friendships & for a chance to meet some of the most awesome people IV ever known & wouldn’t know had I not lived in Md.,TX & Okla.
3. Grateful for the little things: heat, air water…a warm bed. God is good.

Grateful highlights – March 16, 2012 

1.Grateful for this feeling of invigoration! Something about pictures and passion makes me want to SCREAM with excitement!
2. Grateful for stories. I love how  they impact. change lives. read and transform perspectives. dictate. inform. instruct. help. teach. add growth.
3.Grateful for DEEP rest. It’s rejuvenating!
4. Grateful to have a healthy fear of success. It’s new…yet refreshing!
5. Grateful for little people.The make me smile. Every single time.
6. Grateful someone asked me what my dream was today and i could articulate it.
7.Grateful the world stops between 1a.m. and 5 a.m. and  I can LISTEN.

BE grateful today.

The Power of Good Rest.

 I love  reading about rest.

When I find a new antidote to keeping my mind and body rested, I try to note it some place and come back there to help me find it. I have a few books on cultivating the art of rest and one two of the best I have found are : ‘breathe‘ and ‘rest ‘, by Keri Wyatt Kent. Kent just seems to have this haven built around the art of how to find center within individually, as well as  within our  families. She recognizes the coziness around how special it is – but not only that, she helps others see how it can add to family serenity, quality time and growth. Families often forget to spend time together and I believe  her suggestions and how she frames it all in the guise of   introducing the Sabbath, makes it all the more sacred.  She often speaks of  and interviews other in her books about  how  finding rest  - just once a week – helps keep her sane, closer to  her family and also  to God. Her books seem to help you focus on what’s important in life and what creates  special memories… and who doesn’t want memories?? I  have found it a practice now I relish in just taking an entire day to  spend time to reacquaint myself with myself.  I don’t have to leave my  home, regroup find a new spot necessarily, if i don’t want to.  I don’t have to go to a cafe,  leave the comfort of my own home and spend time with someone else. I can create it in the midst of my family time and honor God  and my passion for relationship with my family in  my  own  quirky,  little peaceful way.

So many people are not comfortable with developing enough space in their life for true rest. Some  are not even aware of the need for space.  I sometimes ASK for the space i need to “be” and  believe me, the ‘art of being’ has to be cultivated. I too, struggle with being in the  ”get it done”  zone, and I tend to forget I even  have a need for space. We all struggle with this but does it mean we neglect other times and spaces to be alone, or we just arrange our day differently and plan for “not being busy”? If you are one who finds it extremely hard to  do this, it may at  first take a few tries. because I just want to get things over and completed. Yes, sometimes  it’s really good to “finish”... but we shouldn’t always make it  primary.

Nothing does the body more good than a good rest and rejuvenation. Not only do you have a chance to relax your mind, but I often find that’s when my creativity soars the most. I have also found this time special for being able to reflect with my family and dream and plan new activities. We have a chance to find time to  re-consider what we are missing out on as a family and we need to do more often to cherish our time together.

We could miss out on one of the best opportunities EVER to bond with our child or family and/or take time to open the door for a special ritual to develop with a loved one when they have been struggling with something that’s been really challenging to deal with. The time you take to spend with them, could be life-changing and lend unto them advice, wisdom and  add immensely to their growth and insight.

Remember, GOOD Rest equals:   the wonderful opportunity for rituals, relaxation and reflection.

The Power of Making Amends…

I don’t teach with my dad often, but I really loved it this one time. We make a good duo.  Several of my family members are teachers from experience. we an teach others by simply being humble enough to make amends to them for our wrongdoing. I remember the day, the hour, the way I felt tremendously renewed and validated by the humbling experience of hearing my dad apologize to me for making the mistakes he made as my father.

My father in a very relaxed state of mind.. a blessing, indeed.

It’s no secret to those who know me that my dad had an alcohol problem for several years. He is now a recovering alcoholic and has been in recovery for about 33 years. ( Yea dad!!)  In about two weeks I will have come full circle as I face the part of my life that once held me hostage. I become a substance abuse/alcoholism therapist. Work with this particular population as social worker,  has always been a sore spot for me. I guess it’s true when they say you have to rid the skeletons out of your closet befor eyou can live freely again.  I have had so many things I had to face personally in my life and overcome in order to accept this task before me today. Low self-esteem,  confusion, hurt and pain and even some abuse in past relationships. Problems making good decisions, c0-dependency issues and issues with my weight – and a host of other things. Now … looking back, I see I have endured these things in my life in order that someone else might benefit.

 Wow… if I  only knew to what degree!

 Now, I look forward to life and embrace it every day because I have overcome these hardships. what do I take away most? I take away my sense of fortitude (my courage and bravery);  my self-confidence is back , and I also have  a strategy for those who  have endured similar hardships.

 I look at my dad today, and I am very proud of  who he has become. I am even prouder that I am who  I am today, and because he changed his life, so God has changed mine.

Selah.

 I had some trouble posting this video, but if you desire to see it and hear more about the power of forgiveness and confession of wrongdoing, just hit the link here….or catch it on the side bar – The Power of Making Amends.

What’s Calling Your Name?

 What’s Calling Your Name?    

I chose this picture because it gives a summit view, in a beautiful place. The things that call your name are set with a beautiful background. They aren’t always  beautiful journeys though, to get there. You have to make a PATH sometimes to get  there.

 I will answer this question for myself: It appears at this moment women, children and families are calling my name. So I serve them.  I have found the people in these groups have lost their voices, yet have loads to say! I can help them.

• The young girls who light up the world and are beams shining in the world.
• The mothers hopeless yet trying to find out their purpose in the midst of raising children,
• The kids who live to know their friends and what they are doing in this life and live lives vicariously through their friends with keen sense of awareness nor identity.
• The women who seek to influence in some way and need to be applauded.
• The lost souls who cry out to God for purpose.
• The little influences seen through the eye of a camera
•  The beach… in all its fullness  – wind, water, and sun.
• My Dad… as he sits in a hospital bed and I pray for him and his longevity of life. ( 8/2010)
• My nieces and nephews their futures and their babies futures.
• To lead women in retreats, conferences, identity, purpose and self-confidence.
• A silent get away like this one at: Lebh-Shomea ( a house of prayer) , in Sarita Texas.
• A new place, a new time, a new mission.
• Africa!! ;0)
•  A retreat for women on how to perfect self-evaluation.
• Motherhood.
• Babies who lack smiles because they have not been loved.
• The sunrises and sunsets of everyday.
• The ability to find my voice with regularity and consistency and helps others find theirs.
• Love, Love and to BE LOVED!!
• Friendships with common passions.
• My daughter(s).
• Red Seas – ( the Book) ~  and its desire to be published!
• My husband… all the time. ;0)
• Oklahoma! ( can ya believe it) 11/2010
• Wounded hearts and families of addiction. 11/2010
• Families to obtain knowledge through my magazine: The Kamau Voice.

 

So… what’s calling your name?

Do you spend time with yourself to hear it resound off the pages of your life?

Do you contemplate over life and living to this degree; preserve them on pages you can eventually return to and reflect?

Anyone with breath to breathe has something important enough to say – how you CHOOSE to say it , is what’s KEY. Anyone with life in their body, has something IMPORTANT TO DO; they need to prioritize their passion.

 Is  what you have to say  important enough for others to consider? What would it take for you to say it??

* ( This is one of my favorite posts! Please comment so I’ll know your’e reading! )

 Continue to return here… you may see this list GROW!

Eat, Love, Pray ~ A Review

 

It’s so funny because I  read a blog about this movie “Eat Love, Pray” and the writer  had such similar thoughts as I do. So freeing…  I was trying to think of whom to call and watch the movie with because I heard Oprah say it was going to be a “girlfriend movie” and we needed to all go together…well I ended up going alone and cherishing the fact I did, because I was able to gain SO MUCH MORE out of it. This was a first for me…I was so anxious about going to my VERY  first movie showing BY MYSELF. Now I know I will practice the very experience  a LOT more often, because of what I gained!

 

The reason I loved  this movie was because many of these ARE life lessons I have LIVED!  I am now attempting to read the book, which goes deeper than I have ever imagined. There is a scene in the book (which they did not include in the movie) where she determines how many people would help sign off on her “release” in life and she begins to establish all those who would be her ‘fiery’ supporters… one by one she goes through names and has everyone from Gandhi to Dr. Martin Luther King to everyone she ever knew how supports her freedoms to sign.  Graciously signing their names to her petition. Powerful.

 

Without giving away too much of the movie, I can offer a reviews without telling it all… yet embracing the words of life  in this movie! ;0)

 Here’s the life lessons I learned from it:

1. “ Sometimes to lose balance for love is to LIVE a balanced life.”

 I was able to lose balance and fall deeply in love with all my vulnerability! When I realized I could let go and Love.. BALANCE really DID come into my life! How true!!

2. “Forgive yourself. Don’t live in an ocean of regret.”

 I’ve been here in fact I sat her for at least a few years in my life. And then, I realized that all of life is meant to be embraced. Even IF we have made some mistakes that are life changing! Life was meant to be loved, and one day I woke up and realized that if I wasn’t happy, then I shouldn’t be living that kind of life. Forgiveness of self brought me my greatest lease on life!!

3. “ Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

Wow… I believe this, but don’t know how to explain it… all I can say is ruin was my Teacher. It taught me what I didn’t want, and would never accept again.

4.   We must all learn to exercise “the sweetness of doing  nothing”. (Check,.. check check!) This is definitely me! Smile. I never feel guilty for feeling my own vibe! Life is too short not to enjoy and even if I get a little lazy, that’s okay, because if I’m smiling it’s well worth it all…

5. “You must know where you are at every moment.”

Life is too short to live on standby… why not life it with vigor and full intention! Smile. I believe this wholeheartedly, because my lease on life came through self-reflection. Twenty five… maybe thirty years of it! There are times I’ve earmarked the page of my life and said: “my journals” have literally SAVED my life… and now I know the truth of it all… they help save the lives of others, too. Social work may have become my profession, but not by chance~ truly  it was by divine intervention! Smile.

 Life lessons, indeed. This may be the first movie I ever took notes on while watching it. I also can’t recall the last time I went to a movie by myself and I highly recommend EVERYONE try it at least once, with a movie they have been anticipating on coming out. (Smile)

I tried to decide how to best post this movie.. but I couldn’t decide, so I am sending pics and video clips, all in one!

Here’s the link: right here.

Thanks for letting me share! ~ JenRene

jen about to take some serious risks and climb a 25" pole!

Arrested.

I was arrested today. I didn’t expect it.It was very unusual how it happened too. I was making plans to go about my day, and I had BIG plans, too – in fact I thought: : “Wow, I have all this time… I should…” and began to create my list of things I could do, because I was “on vacation.”

As I stopped and contemplated  my options, I realized that I didnt have as much liberty as I thought.
I heard a still small voice within say:  Have you thought about the plan in its entirety?  What plan?, I thought, isn’t the whole purpose of being on vacation to spend time and do “nothing“! Why plan?? Well… I  say - there is always opportunity wherever God is. 

To Arrest means to: accommodate, apprehend, capture, commit, confine,  and constrain. Interesting words. I think about this in the sense that not everyone wants to accommodate anyone else… but isnt God ALWAYS accommodating us? He never thinks our inconveniences are His own. Doesnt when He desperately needs our attention, He grabs us – or we have something that brings us to an amazing HALT ?  has God ever used something to capture your attention? Hasn’t commitment always been the hallmark of a dedicated soul?  hasn’t God taken some very inconvenient times to  constrain you, and yet bring you to amazing resolve through that experience and what you learned from it?  I remember once,  I missed a plane going south. I was visiting with family before I made it to the airport, and the stay over was an entire night.  No more planes were leaving til the next day. that night, my life was transformed, because  new light was shed on something I’d never realized.  The deeply intense conversation we had, unraveled some of the mysteries I’d had about my family and led me to pursue some things for them in prayer. Today, I stand in a much better place, as well as my family, because I missed that plane and had that conversation in my cousin’s home. I rfer to that moment at the day “The Lord messed up my plans. “ Then this makes me consider whether being arrested by God – even during a ‘seemingly inconvenient time’ – can be a blessing, indeed.

Its funny, because we often take such liberty when we go on vacation to forget about anything else but God. But it helps to consider a few things: 1) Who made it possible for you  to have the money to go?  2)  Who gave you the peace in being able to go? 3) Where do you gain the strength to have the “get up and go” to make it possible to enjoy your trip?  and lastly,  4) What if God wanted to make it even better?

I was grateful to be “vacating”, but what was God’s plan for my vacation?  Many times we get to our destination and  forget  to take time to REST.  We end up coming back home just as tired as we were before we left!  Why not take your vacation time to think about  God, yourself  and relaxation  this time? It’s so important to remember to  consider this - and God’s purpose in your going. There may be something He wants to work with you on, and maybe you might just be on assignment. Maybe there’s something He wants to show you about the people you are going to visit. Maybe He wants to corner you and have you get away - so He can speak to your heart  in a quiet place.

For example, I love flying on a plan and writing. Some of my best stuff has been written some 30,000 miles up in the air!  Nothing like having God arrest you when you are in your groove, doing your best thing -  and feeling good about where  you’re going! As I continue to self examine myself this week, I find myself  finding God in some unfamiliar places. I find Him having a willingness to connect with me all the more , because I consider Him. It’s a pleasure to have God “arrest you”, because it can be an extremely good thing.

 So I sat down today, after being arrested and spoke to God about what I desired to get out of this trip, and I  listened to what He would have me to do. Selah. ( Pause and calmly think of that.)

 Do you want to add a little more self-examination in the mix? Where are YOU headed?

 Consider this link.

Refueling Again.. Part 2

Stories change lives… Don’t think  I didn’t have to SEARCH to find my voice. Before I went half way across the country to  serve, I didn’t realize  my voice could be so influential.

I just want to say I took a very long , arduous journey and painful one, before visiting and speaking to this youth. I had barely lived thru any hardship at all when I saw what she had been through. I thank God for every experience I endured, for the sake of her ability to endure more.

The Gift of Refueling: Part 1

Refueled HOPE. We all have it. We just aren’t often aware. I believe the video speaks for itself,  I don’t have much to say about it other than…DONT give up… Keep hope alive. Pray. Stay supported.  This is my lifetime friend Keneilwe, who spoke with me to African students,  on my trip to Kuma, S. Africa in May of 2003. We had a blast. It was our first day of meeting each other and we appeared to be like sisters, who had  known each other all our lives and taught together for a lifetime.

This was my first time in a classroom of so many youth  in S. Africa who desired to speak and share so much. They inspired me!! Yet endured so much pain. Many of them came from the shantytown community - (poverty ridden shacks) and were noticeably very depressed.

See how empowering it can be to speak and impart hope to souls who feel so lost…

 Stay tuned. I will share a few stories here.

Freedom.

 Inspired by thoughts of the Fourth of July, my sister and I were talking recently and sharing about liberation. We were talking about black hair and how it has evolved overtime. She recently just went all naturale–and she is starting a revolution!  For her,  its been an interesting journey - one of  great confidence for her. She credits a group called Expressive Voices,  ( <a href=”http://www.expressivevoice.com“>www.expressivevoices.com)  – but I believe it only helped her have enough courage to do it and take some risks!

Say it Loud….I’m Black and I’m Proud! That’s what the sixties brought in and helped others to find their voices… a people were empowered through unity. I was empowered, as well when I was a child by just the smallest things. I think of my sister’s looks here, and am  reminded of the times when  we were growing up and  I used to take such pride in seeing my sister “do her do” in the bathroom mirror. Both she and my brother would take time and sit sometimes hours  ( it seemed) in the mirror to make sure they got the perfect “fro” down… smile. It reminds me of the places where pride arose in me, back in the day.

An Afro was something I could never quite get strong enough. I had very fine hair and it just wasn’t common for me to have one as a child. My mom ( God bless her generous heart) would let me wear my hair “wild and free” in the house, but I couldn’t go any further than the porch in order to show off what I had. ( Smile)  

Liberation strikes up confidence and confidence gives us Freedom. Selah.

 

Here’s a pic of my sis  ( and me ) …. rockin’ our pride!

I Didn’t Realize… Til Now…

 

I Didn’t Realize…

1. My voice was suppressed until I started this blog.
2. That FEAR could be so immobilizing and FAITH could be so FREEING until I became an adult.
3. That sunsets were so beautiful until I quietly chased them down on a beach in North Carolina one morn before five a.m- with my daddy – my inspiration.
4. That babies would coo on demand when I snuggled and held them close…
5. That life slows down  and becomes more enjoyable once you allow yourself to be in control of the pace.
6. That I needed more laughter in my life until I found someone else’s JOY to be my stabilizer.
7. I was a photographer until I saw the world through a different lens and other lives - ( my S. Africa experience!)
8. I WAS a writer - until my life transformed my soul and my willingness  allowed this transformation to occur.
9. Peace is a place …and it’s something you must practicing pursuing.
10. I could capture my soul until I started evaluating it with regularity.
11.  That I really couldn’t capture JOY, until I understood  true relationship with God fills me up.
12. That I could fulfill my purpose by once BEING a child of an alcoholic, then  becoming an alcoholic COUNSELOR.
13. That miracles can happen if we only believe….
14. That  LIFE may be hard, but if purposed, it can be also very BEAUTIFUL.
15. How refreshing rejuvenating and relaxing water and waves can be to the soul and sunshine to the spirit.
16. That dreams can speak so loudly to me from God, be His way of communicating with me and His people and have so much POWER and meaning in the spiritual realm.

( I have more…  stay tuned…)

What’ something you haven’t  realized…over time and it’s caused you to yet reach for more?